Wunderschöne Finsternis

Sånn er livet, sånn er det bare. Eller er det bare meg?

When the initial hugs are hugged out, the stories told, and the reunions over, many of us find that coming back home isn’t really coming home at all. Our true home is being surrounded by the unknown.

We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason.

Ta meg vekk herfra. 

Det er ikke så lett, sånn er livet.

Men når man har det bra er det ganske lett å ta alt for gitt.

Forvirring ødela alt som ble drømt om, løgner ble sagt for å unngå sorg, det var bare fordi man ikke kunne ta en avgjørelse.

Noe måtte bli sagt, men avstand gjorde det mye krevende. Tilståelse var et valg som man ikke hadde råd til. Beslutningen ble gjort litt for sent. Det var meningsløst da man hadde bestemt seg, for skaden var gjort. Angrer plager, mens tilgivelse kreves.

Hjembyen blir faktisk et sted som minner man om gode minner og øyeblikk. Lengsel er den eneste ting som dveler når man kommer hjem selv om to lange år har gått.

That time of the day strikes again, you wake up at 11 in the morning (past noon according to my grandma's standard) and you're lying on your bed wondering about the things that you're planning on doing for the day. Except for the fact that you actually have a part-time job at 5:30PM which pays for your food and clothes and night cream. Plus, it's the only thing that keeps yourself busy and your mind away from the thoughts of how you want your funeral arrangement or your wedding ceremony to be, hence it's an option that you can't skip at the moment. And eventually, you decided to just lie on the bed dreaming about your dream life with a bun on your head and probably half-dried drool at the corner of your mouth just waiting for the time to get into the shower and go to work. It's the same repetitive and tedious routine everyday that I have to endure for another 2 months while waiting for my graduation in this godforsaken town.

Somehow I finally decided to get up and turn on my laptop wishing for something interesting that this lifeless machine might have to offer. This blog came into my mind as it's been ages since I babbled and rambled here, and here I am typing my thoughts into words while shoving tiramisu cake that I bought for £1.29 at the local store into my mouth (so much for a high-end Italian dessert).

I really need to do something with my life now. Whether it has something to do with creativity, practicality, mental or physical, god knows I really need to do something with it. Okay I've typed the word 'something' for the 4th time in a paragraph now, and that clearly indicates the dormant condition my body and mind are in right now. I am officially done with my degree, but somehow a voice inside my head tells me that crunching numbers isn't the life that my soul dreams for.

What's more suffocating than being trapped in a 10m² room with semi-humid air and semi-wet boots is the fact that you're trapped in between a situation that gives you an ultimatum. You don't know what you want to do with your life, although you have a perfect idea of how you want it to be but your wish is restricted as it is going against the wish of your family, or your friends, or your dog, or your neighbour across the street whom you haven't seen since you were 10. Making a decision is not an easy task, but making a decision against your wish is something deadly, so deadly that it could kill an ant.

Have you ever been to a place where you just naturally thrive and flourish like a little petunia in the spring (okay, that might sound a little overboard but you know what I mean), where the enriched culture and people just make you feel prosperous, and everywhere you go the language just plays like a music to your ear. I completely have no idea what's the reason behind that euphoric experience or maybe insane or perhaps too enthusiastic sentiment, but I know damn well where I want to go, but when tradition against modernity comes into play, sometimes you have to cave to others' demands. When tradition prevails, people are merely doing it for the sake of their loved ones, even though it is going against their own desire, and what's left is the yearning and longing for their unattained aspiration.

Okay I'm just gonna take a shower now. Here's a picture of a dead and cooked chicken.

"Memory is a wonderful thing if you don't have to deal with the past."

The only way humans have figured out of getting somewhere is to leave something behind. 

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.